Just a few days ago I had to make the difficult decision to euthanize my long time companion and friend, Silme–a 13 year old Aussie/Husky mix. She had been a good companion for eleven years (I rescued her form the pound) and had started to decline in health in the last several months. Just days before her death, she had lost the use of her hind legs and my husband had begun carrying her outside in the mornings and back inside at night. She was in a lot of pain and I knew it was time for us to help her pass into death. We had a very kind hearted vet come to our house and after going over some details of what would happen we all headed outside to Silme’s tree. We spent time under the tree with her, loving and petting her, singing songs and saying blessings and then the vet administered the medication to stop her heart. It was heartbreaking and intense and there were a lot of tears.

In the days that have followed I have been continuously surprised by how much my grief resembles the grieving process that occurs when we lose a dear human friend or relative. A wise close friend said about this: “That’s because our feelings are our feelings, and love is love. It doesn’t matter who the feelings are for.”

So what can you expect when a dear pet/animal companion dies? According to grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt (he wrote the book When Your Pet Dies, A Guide to Mourning, Remembering, and Healing), you can expect to experience grief and you should find a way to mourn. Dr. Wolfelt explains that grief is internal and includes the thoughts and feelings we have about the loved one we lost. In the week since my dear friend, Silme, died I have felt devastated, sad, angry, shocked, forgetful and despondent. I’ve been aware of feeling almost constant nausea and I’ve lost four pounds as a result of having a decreased appetite. My thoughts seem to be constantly drawn back to memories of her and awareness of the fact that she is no longer here. I have frequently been aware that I feel consumed with sadness or I feel nothing at all. This is where mourning comes in.

Mourning is the process and outward expression of our grief. How can we help the mourning process happen? Some of it happens naturally when we cry or when we share our feelings with others by talking about them. It’s a movement towards the feelings of grief, instead of trying to avoid them or pretending we’re “over it” already. It’s important to talk to people who are sympathetic to your grief and who will not minimize your feelings. Writing about your feelings and your memories can be an effective way to engage yourself in the process. Make memorial art about your loved one and your feelings. And most importantly, remember that it will take time to heal. The depth of your grief is equal to the depth of your love. Treasure your grief as a sign of how fortunate you are to have had such a special relationship with another being.

If you find that you cannot deal with your feelings alone, please seek the help of a professional counselor. Most counselors take short-term clients and are happy to have the opportunity to help an individual or family find positive ways of experiencing grief and the mourning process. If you are considering euthanasia for your ailing pet, consider having a vet come to your home. I found the cost was the same as going to our vet’s office and I believe the experience of being with Silme as she died in her own yard was much more peaceful than if she had died on a metal table in a sterile, unfamiliar room. If you want more information about grief please visit Dr. Wolfelt’s website at this link. If you are in the Boulder, Denver, Fort Collins area and you want information regarding at-home euthanasia, please visit Dr. Kathleen Cooney’s website.