As a psychotherapist, and as someone who has experienced brief depressive episodes as well as the long term depression of a family member, it has often been my unhappy duty to explain depression to those who have no personal experience with it.  Anyone can go to the DSM and look up the diagnostic criteria for depression, but try explaining what this feels like.  That is a completely different jar of cookies.

Maybe you are depressed or have been depressed.  Chances are good that you know someone who has experienced depression.  The World Health Organization estimates that depression affects about 121 million people worldwide, and leads to 850,000 suicide deaths per year!  It is important that every one have a basic understanding of this serious condition because until the stigma around it (and other mental illnesses) is gone many people will continue to be alienated and go untreated.

My purpose here is to do my part (small though it is) in spreading awareness by presenting some descriptions of what depression feels like.  People who are depressed may be perceived as being lazy, self-involved or anti-social.  But in reality they tend to feel little interest or pleasure in anything, have low self-esteem and little energy, and experience their lives as meaningless.  Along with this, many people who are depressed also experience debilitating anxiety and find it hard to be around people. Some succumb to this while others fight tooth and nail to overcome depression or live with it in such a way that their lives are not ruled by it.

Perhaps the most courageous and vivid ongoing description of living with depression is found in an online blog I read quite often.  In this particular entry, the author aptly describes her experience this way:

“Can you ever run out of emotion? In trying to explain Depression the other day I said imagine that one day you found you’d run out of fun and pleasure. You woke up and those emotions had disappeared – your tank was empty and the car wouldn’t start. It just sputtered and spluttered until you finally gave up on it as a lost cause and kicked the tyres till you’d run out of energy too.”

Other ways I’ve heard it described:

“I wake up in the morning and I can’t think of a single reason to get out of bed.  Everything that used to have meaning has no substance for me anymore.”

“I once spent three days crying and I didn’t know why.  Everything, a broken dish, the sound of my baby crying, the mail in the post box, it all made me cry.”

“When I’m depressed it’s like all feeling is gone.  I can look at the sky and know intellectually that it’s beautiful but feel nothing.  My children laugh and I feel nothing.  I want to feel something but it’s like I’m in a bubble where everything, my emotions and desires, is on the outside of the barrier between me and life.”

If you or someone you know is depressed and not already getting help, please make a phone call today-right now-and get help.  Most counties have mental health hotlines and if you have insurance it probably covers a visit with a mental health professional.  At the least, call your primary doctor and schedule an appointment for a depression screening.  Depression is a serious illness but it can almost always be successfully treated with psychotherapy and/or medication.

Here is a resource for learning more about depression and how to get help.