For a few years now I have been toying with an idea a friend suggested. She was teaching small children in a Waldorf school and she explained how helping children develop their will requires encouraging them to exercise it as though it were a muscle. Many of us think of will power as something we have or don’t have depending on the circumstance in which we need to use it. One person might have great will power when it comes to staying on task at work and completing projects but very little will around pumpkin pie. Another may have strong will in eating nutritious foods but terrible will when it comes to setting boundaries with their children.

The variables in these scenarios are desire and knowledge. When desire is greater, it’s harder to employ will power. As for knowledge, when something is understood (like the importance of setting boundaries with children and how to go about it effectively) there’s more motivation to employ will power. Being familiar with these variables can help us make conscious decisions about using will when we want to but we must also make our will stronger by exercising it.

Some steps you can take to exercise your will:

1. Make a to-do list (see my post referring to this). Be sure to start with things you might do anyway if you typically have trouble following through with lists. If you want more of a challenge, include one or two items that you’ve been “meaning to get to but something keeps getting in the way…”.

2. Give yourself credit. At the end of your list write down what you’ll do for yourself as a reward. Positive reinforcement is a fantastic way of making it more likely that you’ll employ your will in the future. Be sure and choose something you can do immediately after you complete the task. And, obviously, choose something you enjoy, something that makes you feel good. Some things I do: sit down and have a snack, buy a book or magazine you’ve been wanting and take some time to sit down and read, if your task is running errands stop on the way home and grab a smoothie or other treat, watch an episode of your favorite show, take a walk with someone you love.

3. Give yourself a time limit for each task. I have issues around doing dishes. I don’t like doing them but I need to have a clean kitchen to maintain my sanity. Lately, I’ve been giving myself a time limit on doing dishes. I’ll tell myself, “do dishes for 15 minutes and then you can do more later if you want to.” Fifteen minutes feels like a small amount of time and I know it’s something I can tolerate. Quite often I surprise myself by actually doing all the dishes in the allotted amount of time! This is teaching me that I make a bigger deal out of tasks that they really are. As I regularly see how much faster it is than I expect, I need less and less will to encourage myself to do the task

4. Increase your enjoyment of the task. If the expression of your will is task oriented, add something to it that makes it more enjoyable. If you’re running errands or exercising bring a friend along or your favorite music. If it’s a household chore you can get someone to help, listen to music or have a familiar movie or tv show playing in the background (familiar because you’ll be less inclined to get too drawn into it). If you’re using your will to avoid certain foods, have nutritious snacks on hand that you can replace the unhealthy one you want, or have a list of alternative fun activities to do instead of eating. Just because it’s a chore, job, or the denial of a desire, it doesn’t have to follow that you can’t have fun with it. Be creative. Be inventive. Think like a child and make it a game.

If you have a really weak will power start slowly and choose goals that are achievable. It may just be that you notice when you use your will effectively. No matter what, give yourself lots of credit for trying and celebrate your victories. And remember, the will is like any muscle in your body; you have to exercise it regularly and allow it time to grow stronger.